Crossroads in Relationships: How to Handle Anxiety When a Partner Moves

It’s completely understandable that you don’t know whether you want to stay or move with him, and you might need time to find out what is right for you. Balancing the choice between moving or transitioning into a long-distance relationship is a heavy emotional burden. To manage this anxiety, it might help to separate what you can control today from what belongs to the future.

Give yourself permission to be uncertain

It is helpful to give yourself permission to be uncertain about what you want, and to take the time you need to reach a decision. You do not have to decide today, tomorrow, or even in a month. Even if he is moving soon, you can take all the time you need to figure out what is right for you, and when.

Mapping out your fears

It might also help to map out what you are most afraid of. Is it the fear of feeling lonely, the dread of growing apart, or worries about the logistics of traveling back and forth? By understanding what you fear the most, it becomes much easier to communicate openly about it with your partner.

Focusing on the "here and now"

Anxiety is usually tied to worries about the future. By shifting your focus from "what could potentially happen" to what you need to feel better right here and now, your anxiety can be reduced. He hasn't moved yet, and it will be easier to know what is right for you once you have more details about when he is leaving, where he will be living, and so on. By not planning too far ahead, taking it one day or one week at a time, you will gradually get a better sense of what feels right for you.

Listening to your own needs

It is also vital that you listen to your own needs, independent of him. Right now, your life is in Norway. You don’t have to move just because he does. Perhaps you need to finish your own studies before you know what your next step should be? Maybe you will feel like moving later on, or perhaps an opportunity will arise for him to come back.

Considering a trial period

Another option is to try a long-distance relationship and evaluate after a while what works and what needs to change. You could give it a trial period of 6 or 12 months to gain some experience. That way, it might be easier to know what feels right at that point. Hopefully you and your partner could talk openly about the situation and your feelings surrounding it. This in itself can help reduce worries and make you feel more connected in the situation you are facing.

Remember that no choice is permanent

Ultimately, no matter what choice you and the two of you end up making, you can always change your mind if you find that the decision doesn’t make you happy.

I wish you the very best of luck with your decision ❤️

Warm regards, The Couples Therapist